John you may of been my step father but to me you were my real father you taught me so much always able to calm me where no one else was able to I always looked up to you and always turned to you for advice experience knowledge and when ever I needed to now your gone and it's only been just over a year and it still hurts and I still cry feeling a big lost in my life you have been there for me through a lot of tough times in my life and I loved the way you loved mom and was always there for us she misses you terribly and is so lonely with out you we miss you and love you very much wish you were still here there's not a day that goes by that we don't think of you and so many things I see or go by where we used to live that it's an instant reminder of you and us I still can't believe what I did to my self on your last birthday when you were still alive I realized after the fact that it was on your birthday and feel I gave you the worst birthday gift of all and know to know you never made it to your next birthday or that I was home for Christmas it's a burden I now live with feeling it's all my fault when I seen you and mom on the 16 th of January on that Monday late afternoon I knew something was wrong and when mom went to the washroom at Burger King I had tears coming down my face seeing how so much weight you lost in two months I knew and if was like that any other time you would of asked what's wrong why am I upset but you were very quiet and didn't say a word after yous dropped me off before going home I asked mom what do you and dad have planned she replied to me what do you mean and I said dads not going to be around much longer and sure enough I talked to you for a short when I was Charlie and Linda's fri night and you said you couldn't talk long that you had shortness of breath I was up late that night talking with Linda how much you meant to me and raised till like 8 am went to sleep and dreamed about my my life with you from 3 years old all the up to the present at that time woke up late almost Evening time just to get a call from mom or even 5 minutes of being awake to hear her say dad died so did I at that moment and haven't been the same since god dam I miss you a lot and love you so much your son Larry can't wait to be reunited with you again love always and forever Larry